I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
