what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
