Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
