I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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