I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
