Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
