it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
