My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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