I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
