I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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