She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
