what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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