I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
