Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
