She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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