I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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