Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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