I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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