is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
