i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
not ubering you a puppy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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