he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
