We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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