And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
