Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
