____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
