Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
