Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
