So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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