i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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