The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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