he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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