the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
