everyone is single if you try hard enough
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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