first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight