Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance