That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.