you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...