I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need water and some morals
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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