You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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