It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize