I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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