D3 body, D1 cock
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am mentally ready for anal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
