Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
