I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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