I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
