Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
