Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
