It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
