Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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