I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
