I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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