he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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