I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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