roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
