I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
