The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
