Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
