never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize