Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
