i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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