I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
