So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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