last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
